Tiff and Earl

by Elizabeth McGinn on February 11, 2021


Dear Tiff & Earl,

It’s me again. Turns out we’re both positive—positively lovesick. We’re quarantined in the Marriott together, and his room is right beside mine. The walls are paper-thin. Tensions are growing—and so is my COVID viral load. Should I learn Morse code to communicate my desires?

Caught Feelings (and COVID)

Dear Catchy Feely,

Just remember that you’re feverish for reasons other than your feelings for this guy. If you want to try learning Morse code, then go for it, but there might be slightly less cryptic ways of going about it. If the walls are paper-thin, you might as well go all in and have a full-on conversation. Keep it light and play on the fact that you’re sharing a common experience. If you profess your love too soon, you could risk scaring the COVID out of him and lose him to the outside world. Use your time in isolation to plan carefully. Maybe even recite some Romeo and Juliet “for Civ” if you’re feeling daring.

Avoiding contactly,

Dear Caught Feelings,

Happy to hear things are progressing between you two! While Morse code may sound romantic, I recommend literally not even talking to him. He’s not worth it, queen. Rest up, eat the Sodexo food, stay COVID-free, and get back to campus as soon as you can. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Definitely not hurt beforably,