Dear Tiff and Earl,
I can’t handle The Cowl not publishing a new issue every week anymore. What do I do with my newfound free time in the off weeks?
Cuckoo for Cowl Puffs
We at The Cowl are deeply flattered by your dependence on our weekly issues. Because you love The Cowl so much, I think you can explore ways of displaying that and thoroughly integrating it into your life. Take your next Civ exam on our latest issue, or try to make a shirt by folding and stapling the pages (although don’t plan on wearing it on a rainy day). The possibilities are really endless. You’ll also be promoting recycling at the same time. Maybe you can even figure out how to make a mask out of old issues of The Cowl. You’re never too old for arts and crafts.
The lack of a Cowl issue every week can be jarring. Luckily, I have two things for you to do on campus to pass the time. The first is to try to set the Ray chicken nugget day record. I would say 76 nuggets should cement your place in PC history. Next comes the McVinney stair challenge. Please just do not do it on the same day as the nuggets. These two events should buy you enough time until the next issue; perhaps you will even get on the front page!