August 15, 2020

Posts from "Features"

  • Features | Mar.06, 2020

    Two Writers One Line: “When I read the text, I scream”

      The Glass Shattered Below by Grace O’Connor ’22 When I read the text, I scream Glowing from the screen The words popping out, sucking me in As my eyes glazed over them Slowly, in disbelief, I turned off my…

    Read More
  • Features | Mar.05, 2020

    Listomania: How to win The Bachelor/Bachelorette

    Woo the producers/Chris Harrison Sabotage the other contestants by putting a metric ton of garlic in their food Pull a power move and propose to the Bachelor/Bachelorette Replace all the girls’ makeup with clown makeup Rig the rose ceremony Make…

    Read More
  • Features | Mar.05, 2020

    Tiff and Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, March 6 is Dentist Appreciation Day, and I want to thank my dentist for all the pain, tears, and clean gums that she has given me. What can I give her to represent the complex and…

    Read More
  • Features | Feb.27, 2020

    Listomania: Plans to Make for Spring Break

    Go to Namibia (they have a significant cheetah population) Go to your bed/hibernate Go to any place that has better food than Ray Fyre Festival  Buy a ranch in the old country Go to space (the final frontier) Hop the…

    Read More
  • Features | Feb.27, 2020

    Tiff and Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl,  I just woke up, and I wish I didn’t. I’m covered in Mondoz ranch dressing and I might’ve stolen a poster from them. I even called them the other night to say hi. I think I…

    Read More
  • Features | Feb.14, 2020

    Fast Fiction: Dream First Date

    In six words or less write a story about your dream first date… Go! Only us drowned in candlelight. by Grace O’Connor ’22   A good laugh…all I need. by Erin Venuti ’20   Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Disney+, and……

    Read More
  • Features | Feb.14, 2020

    Listomania: How to make someone fall in love with you

    Stand outside their dorm room with a boombox Leave them on open on Snapchat DM their ex on Instagram Take them out to Ray Photoshop them into pictures with you Bring them chicken nuggets on Thursday Go to the chapel…

    Read More
  • Features | Feb.14, 2020

    Tiff and Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, I just found out that my significant other is allergic to every single flower known to man and hates all chocolate (I promise she’s fun!), and CVS has nothing else that is Valentine’s Day related. What…

    Read More
  • Features | Feb.14, 2020

    Friartire: Showing How You Really Feel

    by Lil Wit ’21 The mushiest, most lovey-dovey, better-not-be-alone-because-that-sucks day of the year (unless you want to be conventional and remember that this day is actually the feast day for a saint who was martyred for the sake of spreading…

    Read More
  • Features | Feb.07, 2020

    Listomania: Ways to avoid catching the flu if your roommate has it (not recommended by the Surgeon General)

    Sleep in the library Spray Lysol in their face as they sleep Wear a hazmat suit Gently cover them with a tarp Replace their shampoo with Purell Quarantine them in the tunnels Eat one whole orange Scratch that—eat nothing but…

    Read More