October 22, 2020

Posts from "Features"

  • Features | Oct.15, 2020

    Tiff and Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, I’ve had four Halloween costumes picked out for the past year. Now that Halloween is canceled, what should I do? Sincerely, Incapable of Returning Packages to Amazon   Dear Clearly Has Never Utilized the Convenience of…

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  • Features | Oct.15, 2020

    Listomania: Things that are better to watch than the presidential debate

    Paint drying Your life flashing before your eyes “As Seen On TV” ads Seventh-graders fighting on the playground during recess ASPCA commercials  DVD bouncing loading screen A turtle crossing the road PC COVID-19 cases dashboard Thursday Night Football PC basketball…

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  • Features | Oct.02, 2020

    Tiff and Earl

    Dear Tiff & Earl, Lately, I’ve been getting extreme mask-cne. Nobody sees it because of my mask, but I know it is there and I don’t find it very attractive. How do I learn to find myself attractive again? Sincerely,…

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  • Features | Oct.02, 2020

    Listomania : Things to do in Quarantine

    Watch Paul Rudd movies Watch paint dry Create a background for your Zoom classes Finally start doing your freshman Civ reading Buy textbooks Start a YouTube vlog channel Write a one-man screenplay and act it out for your roommates Test…

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  • Features | Sep.17, 2020

    Friartire : Wish You Were Here: Separation Struggles for Desks and Chairs Everywhere

    by Lil Wit ’21 The only thing worse than getting picked last for the kickball team in your middle school gym class is being picked to be a blocked-off seat in classrooms during the pandemic. Accommodations for physical distancing have…

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  • Features | Sep.17, 2020

    Listomania : New PC Intramural Sports

    Cleaning your apartment or dorm  Socially distanced three-legged race The Masked Singer  Going up stairs in a mask People-dodging  No-touch football  Screen time olympics  Best COVID-19 test swabber Guess who’s behind the mask  Looking presentable from the waist up on…

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  • Features | Sep.17, 2020

    Tiff and Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, I passed gas on my Zoom call and my video went on speaker view. How do I recover? Sincerely, Mortified Morty   Dear Mortified Morty,  There’s no way to reverse engineer the damage that has been…

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  • Features | Sep.03, 2020

    Tiff and Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, I was planning on finally getting out into the dating game when the pandemic hit. How am I supposed to find a date when we must wear masks and stay six feet apart? Sincerely,  Corona Crushed …

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  • Features | Sep.03, 2020

    Listomania: Things Professors Say/Do Over Zoom

    “Hope you’ve all been staying healthy!” “Does anyone have the answer?” Silence. “Unprecedented times.”  “So I’m gonna share my screen…now.” “Can everyone see it?” To the muted class. “We CaN’t HeAr YoU yOu’Re On MuTe.” “Do you like my virtual…

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  • Features | Mar.06, 2020

    Two Writers One Line: “When I read the text, I scream”

      The Glass Shattered Below by Grace O’Connor ’22 When I read the text, I scream Glowing from the screen The words popping out, sucking me in As my eyes glazed over them Slowly, in disbelief, I turned off my…

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