by Elizabeth McGinn on February 11, 2021
Features
Forgot to wipe
Didn’t show up
Brought your mom as a chaperone
Talked about your 12 cats
Mentioned the spider that whispers sweet nothings into your ear
Confessed your love for Father Shanley
Knew too much personal information
Asked for their banner ID instead of their phone number
Communicated solely via PC Mobile
Thought they resembled Mitch McConnell
Said they smell like your mom
Brought your date home to your Lightning McQueen race car bed
Ordered off the kid’s menu
Dined and dashed
Ordered chocolate milk at the bar
Brought your guitar (and already wrote a song about them)
Said “I love you”
Asked them to be your entree à la Armie Hammer