by The Cowl Editor on February 1, 2018
Features
Dear Tiff and Earl,
I’ve been invited to two Super Bowl parties this year, one by some friends who are Patriots fans, and another by some friends who are Eagles fans. Which one should I go to, and how do I avoid offending my friends from the other team after I decide? FYI, I don’t really care who wins. I’m more of a fan of curling than anything else.
Sincerely,
Stuck on the Line of Scrimmage
Yo.
Tom Brady has five Super Bowl rings. That is literally one for every finger on one hand. I don’t care if you don’t care who wins. I support winners. And Brady and his team are winners. The Patriots are America’s team. The Eagles are for bird watchers. Be better than a bird watcher. Go to the Pats’ party, and when they win, be sure to join your fellow Friars on Eaton for the celebration.
Rock on,
Tiff
Dear Fence Rider,
Let’s be clear. The Super Bowl isn’t about football. It’s about eating yourself silly and indulging in commercials that represent the worst of the American zeitgeist. So, it all comes down to one thing: who will have the better feast? Those darn New Englanders will probably cheap out on food so they can afford to burn their furniture in the street later. Go with your Philly friends—even without a decent cheesesteak they’ll have to have food good enough to offset their inevitable loss. Plus, they’ll need your emotional support later.
Hungrily,
Earl