Friartire: Beware the Fruit Cakes! (And other Holiday Treats)

by The Cowl Editor on December 7, 2019


by Lil Elf ’21

It’s that time of year again.  There is an unquantifiable amount of glorious aromas emitting from the oven (or maybe it’s just a candle).  With the Christmas season inevitably comes the Christmas goodies.  However, some people are victims to the less-than-tasty treats.  Although the good most certainly outweigh the bad, the terrible are still among us, and some people are seriously misguided in their taste.  

We hit the sidewalks to find out which Christmas treats are the worst of the worst.  We talked with Chris Crinkle ’22 to hear what horrors his stomach has endured during the holiday season: “My aunt has this ‘tradition’ of using an ‘old family recipe’ to make fruit cake every Christmas.  Honestly, I can’t see a trace of fruit in it.  I don’t know what she uses, but it’s definitely not fruit.  It’s this weird mixture between cake and bread, not the way you would expect a coffee cake to be.  It’s like super hard but still spongey bread that is somehow moist on the outside but firm on the inside.  I think the recipe must be so old that the list of ingredients and baking instructions have faded or become illegible.  Don’t even get me started on her eggnog.  I just found out last year that eggnog isn’t supposed to be chunky.  Now I can never look at hers in the same way.”  Just remember, kids, some things are actually worse than Ray.

Fruit cake
Photo courtesy of