Listomania

by The Cowl Editor


Features


 Things To Do To Make Yourself Feel Accomplished (Besides Running A Marathon)

  • Submitting an essay 
  • Crossing things off a to-do list
  • Sticking to a New Year’s Resolution 
  • Hitting 10K steps every day 
  • Making your bed in the morning 
  • Finishing a water bottle 
  • Getting out of bed 
  • Showering 
  • Getting an interview/job offer
  • Actually showing up to your classes 
  • Doing something creative 
  • Doing well on a test you thought you failed

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


FriarTire


Hey Tiff and Earl!

As much as I love my family, I’m really nervous to go home for Thanksgiving. My family is going to ask me a ton of questions about everything, and I really don’t know what I want to do with my future/life. Any advice to help me feel a little better?

Sincerely, 

Quarter Life Crisis Victim


Hey QLCV, 

As cliché as this sounds, you still have plenty of time to think about what you want to do. People change their careers all the time, whether they’re 20 or 50! If you want to ease your family’s worries, you can always tell them you’re considering a few options like grad school or working after you finish your degree. Everyone’s path is different, and I’m sure you’ll find your niche eventually!

Best of Luck!

Earl

image of earl


Dear Victim,

My deepest sympathies, but it’s time to make up the lie of your life. Say you want to be a snake charmer in the CIA; say you’re the real Jerry Seinfield; say you want to donate all your organs and have porcine substitutes installed. Whatever it is, stick with it until everyone believes you. It’ll blow up in your face eventually, but that’s another Thanksgiving’s problem.

 

Sweet turkey dreams,

Tiff

image of tiff

Tiff and Earl

by trogers5


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl, 
I slipped and fell on the ice in front of an entire civ class coming out of Ruane this morning. No one even helped me up (what happened to “Friars Hold Doors”?). How do I recover from this embarrassment?
Sincerely,
Professional Ice Skater

Dear Professional Ice Skater,
The best way out of a faux pas is to make it seem intentional. Don’t be afraid to be idiosyncratic. You head right back out and wipe out on that ice as dramatically as you can. If you’re nervous, have a shot of some liquid courage first. Repeat as necessary until your reputation is no longer that of a ham-footed klutz, but that of a brave and interesting individual. It’s foolproof, believe  me.
Cheers! 
Tiff

image of tiff


Dear Professional Ice Skater, 
Revenge is a dish best served ice-cold. The night before the next time this civ class meets, dump buckets of cold water on the spot you tripped on and let mother nature do the rest. Those students will rue the day that they betrayed the most sacred law of Providence College: “Friars Hold Doors.” Sure, some innocent people might succumb to your icy trap as well, but if your ice skating career doesn’t work out, this will make for a great villain origin story.
Watch out for ice, ice, baby!
Earl

image of earl

 

Listomania

by trogers5


Features


Biggest Red Flags

a red flag
photo creds: pixabay
  • Asked me out to the PC basketball game
  • Is a business major
  • Has a pet monkey
  • Doesn’t read The Cowl
  • Is in their red hair phase (no offense, Sarah)
  • Goes to URI
  • Is Nate Jacobs (from Euphoria)
  • Posts regularly on Yik Yak
  • Gets hazelnut or pecan flavored coffee
  • Has a favorite song from Certified Lover Boy
  • Doesn’t thank the UG2 workers
  • Prefers Ray over Alum
  • Makes thirst traps on TikTok 
  • Chooses Old’s over Brad’s 
  • Doesn’t like Chicken Nugget Thursdays
  • Posted about their lost Airpods on the PC mobile app
  • Lives in Guzman
  • Calls Suites “McCarthy”
  • Doesn’t like Dean Sears’s emails
  • Willingly has an 8:30 every day
  • Has a red “Saturdays are for the boys” flag
  • Picked me.

Tiff and Earl

by trogers5


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl,

What happened to Syllabus Week? It’s one day into the semester and I’m already feeling the burnout. Help.

Sincerely,

Going Downhill Fast


Dear Downhill,

Now, now, always remember that you MUST put yourself first. If you feel that you need to, take a self-care week. Don’t worry about your professors, your classes, your roommates, or any other responsibilities. Write a syllabus on YOU, and make THAT class your first priority. You can’t graduate without fulfilling YOUR core requirements!

 

Cheers!

Tiff

image of tiff


Dear Going Downhill Fast,

 

When I find myself in times of trouble, I pull out my handy-dandy binder full of printed copies of all of Dean Sears’ emails from the past few years. Stop whatever you’re doing, go to your nearest printer (use your precious printing money if necessary—this is worth it), print the email of your choice, and carry it with you wherever you go to remind yourself that no matter how rough of a start your semester is off to, you are part of one heart. One heartbeat. One community.

 

Your dean of advice/vice president of Tiff and Earl affairs,

Earl

image of earl

Listomania

by trogers5


Features


two cartoon characters having a conversation
photo creds: pixabay

Best Icebreakers to Start off the Semester

  • Anything other than name/major/hometown.
  • What’s your least favorite icebreaker?
  • What’s your favorite book?
  • What song describes your life right now?
  • If you were a potato, how would you like to be cooked?
  • If you could audition for one TV show, which one would it be?
  • If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  • Do you fold your pizza?
  • If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? (The answer is salad)
  • Best fruit story (shoutout Dr. Stevens)
  • Choose a famous person you’d want on your team for a zombie apocalypse.
  • What actor do you feel should play you in the movie about your life?
  • What’s your shoe size?
  • Hand out literal Ice Breakers.
  • What’s your MBTI type?
  • Do you prefer morning or night showers?
  • What fictional family would you be a member of?
  • Anything but syllabus quizzes.

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl,

My roommate and I are having a serious, friendship-breaking fight over something very important: who takes home our precious BOP fish over winter break? How should we determine who has the honor of bringing Mr. Guppy to their wonderful home?

Sincerely,

Certified Fish Parent


Dear Certified Fish Parent, 

A wise old chappie named Solomon once faced this very problem. If you are familiar with your Old Testament—wait…you’re a PC student. Who are we kidding? Let me take a leaf out of his book (1 Kings, you putz). Go to your roommate and demand to divide little Mr. Guppy in two, so that you can both have him. Your roommate, unless she’s as crazy as a horse, will readily give up Mr. Guppy for his own good. Now if, on the other hand, she starts hunting for some fish-dividing implement, be prepared to take the fish and run. Either way, you may have won the fish but lost the war. You’ll probably need to find a new roommate.

Cheers!

Tiff 

image of tiff


Dear Certified Fish Parent,

You and your roommate evidently both love Mr. Guppy and want the best for him. There’s only one thing to do in a serious situation such as this: let the law decide who his most suitable guardian is. Rulings on grand theft auto and homicide can wait—this is a matter that demands the court’s immediate attention. As long as you don’t have any dogs, cats, or seafood lovers at home, you should have a good chance of being awarded full custody.

Just keep swimming,

Earl

image of earl

Holiday Listomania

by The Cowl Editor


Christmas


holiday presents
photo creds- pexels

Holiday Miracles That Would Make Me Cry (of Joy)

  • Getting an A on every single final
  • My plants coming back to life (looking at my succulents…) 
  • Getting off the waitlist for my classes 
  • My BOP fish still being alive after break 
  • Finally getting a stimulus check (to spend on Christmas shopping)
  • Colleen coming back to life (fly high queen)
  • Getting a response on LinkedIn
  • Securing the internship I’m completely underqualified for
  • Actually being able to do what I say I can on my resume  
  • Getting no Friday classes
  • Finally shooting my shot with my crush 
  • Finding the perfect temperature for my room 
  • Fulfilling all my New Year’s resolutions
  • Learning how to cook (finally)
  • Finishing my elaborate alternate universe
  • Actually being the main character 
  • Getting Nate Watson to follow me on TikTok

What Is The Portfolio Staff Grateful For?

by The Cowl Editor


Christmas


a card with the words "thank you"
photo creds- pexels

Taylor Rogers ’24: my family, Dunkin’ holiday lattes, and my amazing friends 🙂

Mariela Flores ’23: the family I have known my whole life and the found family I will know for the rest of it 

Aidan Lerner ’22: our copy editors at The Cowl who work hard to get our pieces published each week

Kate Ward ’23: my found family and parents that have stuck with me through thick and thin 

Anna Pomeroy ’23: health and happiness this holiday season!

Sarah McLaughlin ’23: the opportunity to be a part of such a wonderful and talented group of writers!

Grace O’Connor ’22: my family and friends who have helped me through hard times

Listomania

by The Cowl Editor


Features


cartoony turkey
photo crews: pexels

  

Things to bring to Friendsgiving 

  • Buffalo chicken dip
  • A rotisserie chicken 
  • Anything but deviled eggs
  • A solid playlist
  • Microwave mashed potatoes 
  • A can of raw pumpkin
  • Political debate topics
  • Store-bought pie
  • Dollar Tree decorations
  • Conversation topics (to avoid awkward silences)
  • Craft supplies (to make hand turkeys)
  • Welch’s sparkling cider
  • Friends
  • Friends Thanksgiving episodes
  • My incredible sense of humor
  • Tea