by The Cowl Editor on October 20, 2022

---

Features

---

Hey Tiff and Earl, 

I think my roommate is attempting to sacrifice me so they can get all As on their midterms. They’ve been burning multiple candles in my room, claiming they suddenly want to become fluent in Latin, and told me they need to practice for some “ritual” that will happen in our room on October 31st. How do I ensure that I’ll make it through Halloween?

Thanks in advance,

Paranoid Roommate

---

Lucky for you, the friars aren’t just fun guys who wear white and drink beer and hold funerals for fish. They’ll get the devil out of your room faster than you can say BOO. 

Prayers ,

Tiff 

---

Yo Little Miss Paranoid, 

Honestly, this roommate situation sounds like something beyond Tiff and my expertise. If I were you, I’d hit up the Hocus Pocus witches to see if they can make your roommate disappear (and make sure you don’t get sacrificed). If that doesn’t work out, you can always email Kevin Hillery and ask if there’s any room in Fennell.

Best of luck!

Earl