Gillian Flynn and Stephen King Walk Into the Home Invasion
by Julia Zygiel ’19 and Kiley McMahon ’20
Blood coats the floors, a trail of it leading out the door to the driveway.
Stephen King: “So… this is why you called me here?”
Gillian Flynn: “Stephen, there is no time for questions. I need to hide the evidence before the police come and you need to help me. Follow my lead.”
Stephen King: “Hide the evidence? Your prints are probably everywhere, and I can guarantee the police were called at least 10 minutes ago. You’re not going to have enough time.”
Gillian Flynn: “Oh, Stephen, I guess that after 10 years of friendship, you still do not know who I am and what I am capable of. Get out of here if you are just going to reprimand me. I need you here as a friend right now…”
The sirens start sounding from down the street. Gillian and Stephen stand staring at each other; neither knows the next move to make.
Stephen King [rolls his eyes]: “Well, when you put it that way… The only option at this point is to escape however we can. Do you have the weapon?”
Gillian Flynn: “Oh, Stephen, I am one step ahead of you. It is already in the back of my SUV. I will show you the remnants.”
FBI agent: “Finn, you take the back. I’ll take the front.”
Gillian and Stephen jump out of the window and hop into the SUV where the body already awaits their arrival.
Stephen King: “Listen, just because my novels are gory doesn’t mean I want to see this kind of thing. Though I can certainly smell it.” He wheezes, clapping a hand over his mouth and nose.
Gillian Flynn: “Yeah, well, my novels are murder mysteries and I enjoy living in the moment. I am very surprised that you did not know this about me
previously. My blood is currently pumping out of control.”
Stephen King: “I wasn’t aware your novels were… autobiographical.”
Gillian Flynn: “The world is warped, Stephen. You should not be so naive. I am so disappointed. You should be more intelligent, God.”
Stephen King: “I didn’t assume you were a murderer, so kill me. Wait, no, poor phrasing. Do not kill me.”
Gillian Flynn: “Well Stephen, I do have a list you know. You might be on it, you might not be. You might find out when it is too late.” She grins menacingly, plotting her next move.
Stephen King: “If I help you hide the body and the evidence, will that get me off of this list?”
Gillian Flynn: “I told you Stephen, life is unpredictable.”
Stephen King: “Well if you get caught I’m going down, too. Pull over here, we’ll dump everything in the river.”
FBI Agent Finn: “Gillian Flynn, put your hands up, you are under the arrest for the murder of Stephenie Meyer.”