Gillian Flynn and Stephen King Walk Into the Home Invasion

by The Cowl Editor on October 19, 2017


Crossed crime scene tape
Photo courtesy of

by Julia Zygiel ’19 and Kiley McMahon ’20


Blood coats the floors, a trail of it leading out the door to the driveway.

Stephen King: “So… this is why you called me here?”

Gillian Flynn: “Stephen, there is no time for questions. I need to hide the evidence before the police come and you need to help me. Follow my lead.”

Stephen King: “Hide the evidence? Your prints are probably everywhere, and I can guarantee the police were called at least 10 minutes ago. You’re not going to have enough time.”

Gillian Flynn: “Oh, Stephen, I guess that after 10 years of friendship, you still do not know who I am and what I am        capable of. Get out of here if you are just going to reprimand me. I need you here as a friend right now…”

The sirens start sounding from down the street. Gillian and Stephen stand staring at each other; neither knows the next move to make.

Stephen King [rolls his eyes]: “Well, when you put it that way… The only option at this point is to escape however we can. Do you have the weapon?”

Gillian Flynn: “Oh, Stephen, I am one step ahead of you. It is already in the back of my SUV. I will show you the  remnants.”

FBI agent: “Finn, you take the back. I’ll take the front.”

Gillian and Stephen jump out of the window and hop into the SUV where the body already awaits their arrival.

Stephen King: “Listen, just because my novels are gory doesn’t mean I want to see this kind of thing. Though I can     certainly smell it.” He wheezes, clapping a hand over his mouth and nose.

Gillian Flynn: “Yeah, well, my novels are murder mysteries and I enjoy living in the moment. I am very surprised that you did not know this about me
previously. My blood is currently pumping out of control.”

Stephen King: “I wasn’t aware your     novels were… autobiographical.”

Gillian Flynn: “The world is warped,   Stephen. You should not be so naive. I am so disappointed. You should be more intelligent, God.”

Stephen King: “I didn’t assume you were a murderer, so kill me. Wait, no, poor phrasing. Do not kill me.”

Gillian Flynn: “Well Stephen, I do have a list you know. You might be on it, you might not be. You might find out when it is too late.” She grins menacingly, plotting her next move.

Stephen King: “If I help you hide the body and the evidence, will that get me off of this list?”

Gillian Flynn: “I told you Stephen, life is unpredictable.”

Stephen King: “Well if you get caught I’m going down, too. Pull over here, we’ll dump everything in the river.”

FBI Agent Finn: “Gillian Flynn, put your hands up, you are under the arrest for the murder of Stephenie Meyer.”