Love To Hate

by The Cowl Editor on September 20, 2018


by Marelle Hipolito ’21

I hate being sensitive to normal things because of abnormal situations
And I hate looking deeper into what’s meant to be surface-level interpretations
Jokes and side notes, thinking every mirror has smoke
Every double take and I go a little bit more insane

I hate that my friends don’t hear me laugh straight from my heart
And I hate that they’re being cut from all my broken parts
The friendships gap, then snap; another whiskey bottle uncapped
More than just the pain I want to ease and sedate

I hate that the windows are closed until further notice
And I hate that those light conversations are being left unspoken
“We’ll patrol the loopholes, we’ve got it under control”
I know the difference between coal and gold

I hate having nothing else to talk or write about
And I hate that I don’t smile and whisper, I only cry and shout
All this confidentiality about my reality
Help me please, I’m on my knees

But I love that I hate calling the assembly of the troops
And I love to hate that they’re behind me, all the way through
After all this exposure they embrace me in closure
And they put their hands on mine as I turn the page over

But I love to hate to pay for gas on runaway trips
And I love to hate reaching the bottom of a bag of chips
Ukelele singing out of tune, laying in bed until after noon
Deeper friendships and memories to swoon into

I love that I hate all of this, and not any part of me
And I love to hate the wind, not the apple that fell far from the tree
Wide-eyed at the bright side, swimming through both high and low tides
I hate that it’s not now, but I love that eventually, it’ll be alright

Pondering girl staring at sky
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