Portfolio’s Dating Profiles

by Elizabeth McGinn


Parody


Swipe right or left graphic
Graphic design by Sarah McLaughlin ’23

I love waking up every morning to the FriarAlert Daily Screening emails, but I’d rather wake up with you 😉

-Lovesick

 

Real good with a Q-tip. 

-24 Self-administered COVID Tests

 

Consistently testing negative but I have a positive attitude and a dog. I’m also tall, if that helps.

-The Swab Master

 

I love iced coffee, all things pink and orange, and whipped cream. Hit me up if you like your coffee tall, dark, and sweet 😉

-Duncan

 

Big nose, bigger heart. I like my men the way I like my beer: cold, bitter, and headless. 

-Just a Widow, Baby

 

If this doesn’t go well, I will probably write a poem about you.

-Wannabe Poet in Need of Content

 

I used to root for the Knicks, but now I’m ready to settle down and get that ring.

-Committed Carl

 

Basic girl looking for a basic guy. Gotta be able to play catch, so I can catch these feelings for you.

-2 good 4 you 

 

Looking for someone to fill my lonely nights now that Dot is gone.

-Ray the Romantic

 

Ardently searching for a woman who is tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt me.

-Bachelor with a Considerable Means and Estate

 

Looking for someone to recite lines from Step Brothers with me.

-Nighthawk

 

Looking for someone who can keep up with my craziness and who can eat a whole pizza with me.

-PizzaLover14

 

Do you like bad girls? ’Cause I’m bad at everything 🙂

-The Least Talented Person You’ll Ever Meet


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