“Spooky Season Inbound”
To ghost or be ghosted? Perhaps we have all been in this situation. Regardless, the temperatures are beginning to drop, so read to find out easy ways to avoid the awkward moments of this upcoming cuffing season.
- Don’t text him.
- Like actually, don’t.
- Schedule a girls’ night with your roommates!
- Treat yourself to getting coffee downtown.
- Oh, he posted an Instagram story that his football team won? Don’t swipe up.
- Midterms are coming up; check in with professors and assignments.
- Pick up a new hobby.
- Remember! The “Movember” beard is temporary and doesn’t look that good.
- Try to adjust your routine as the days get shorter.
- Do not, I repeat, do not send or respond to a “Happy Birthday” or “Happy Holidays” message on any platform.
A Quick Note
Dear First-Year Providence College Student,
If you are receiving this email, it is to inform you of a process you will otherwise be unfamiliar with as a new student. As I am sure you are aware, the dean of Student Affairs, , Dean Sears, is an extremely helpful, enthusiastic, and spirited member of the Providence College community. Perhaps by now, you have received one of his helpful, enthusiastic, and spirited emails which seek to appeal to a sense of school spirit and well-being. However, upon first glance, these emails may be intimidating, bewildering, or otherwise “out of pocket.” This email intends to address any exciting sentiment or confusion experienced.
Do I have to do exactly what Dean Sears instructs in his emails?
No, it is largely meant to be a rhetorical and enthusiastic approach toward the PC community.
Even if it is suggested to “Go forth now: imagine and do!”
Yes, you do not technically have to do that, it is merely a suggestion.
How about “going outside and shouting, ‘I Love God’”?
Seriously, these are just anecdotal recommendations from the school and the dean to encourage a sense of well-being among students.
Will there be an increase in emails around stressful periods in the semester?
Yes, in support of our students!
What should I expect if the basketball team is doing well?
Prepare yourself for the best emails yet.
If you have any other questions/concerns, please (do not) reach out!
Dean Sears’ (Tired) Email Manager
Parties in the Age of Crypto (Screenplay)
by Kathryn Libertini ’23
INT. AT A PARTY
Hey what’s up! You okay?
Yeah kinda. Ever since the market closed on Friday and Dogecoin went down I’ve just felt awful about myself.
It’s just a stock, I’m sure it will go back up!
Do you even know what the stock market is like? Everyone is happy to say “buy low, sell high,” but when someone like me has the guts to do it, I risk my life savings.
I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal; you can’t predict the market. Let’s get back to the party!
What did you just say?
Oh my God. You don’t know anything about the market, do you? Leave me alone. Can you go send Chad out here? I need his take on NFTs and what my next move should be.
Kathryn Libertini ’23
I hear “So let me tell you guys why I chose Providence College” as I turn the corner in Slavin. My heart is pounding, not from the stairs, no, but from the pressure. Tonight’s game against Creighton decides if we win the Big East Championship. Coach Cooley met with me to discuss details, and the importance of a good crowd. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I sit through class knowing only the massive role I play in the game. I failed two exams this week alone. Eventually I beg my roommate to drop me off five hours early in her Toyota Corolla Sport before anyone else is at the Dunk. I use my all-access pass to get through the front—I haven’t used the student entrance in months. I want to be the first one on the court. I put on my uniform and hear people swarm the stands. I know it’s finally my time. I step court-side, hearing only cheering fans and DJ Finesse’s remix of “You Belong With Me.” I know it’s all for me. Suddenly I hear, “Hey, Friar Dom! Can I get a picture with my kid?” I bend down and give a thumbs up for the camera.
How to write about love, when you yourself are not in love:
Kathryn Libertini ’23
- Download Tinder and Hinge for inspiration.
- Scroll through the apps with your roommates, creating narratives and citing opinions that will most likely never materialize (but, hey, there’s a chance).
- Delete Tinder and Hinge.
- Tell your roommates Valentine’s Day is a “Hallmark Holiday” incentivized by capitalism.
- Watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and 27 Dresses.
- Question what “love” even is.
- Download Tinder and Hinge for a reality check.
- Delete Tinder and Hinge for a reality check.
- Question what “reality” even is.
- Call your therapist back.
I Hold onto Autumn
by Kathryn Libertini ’23
I hold onto autumn
Onto its amber tones
Onto its crisp winds
I do not hold onto myself
Shaped by winter spring and summer
Shaped by fruitful circumstance
So I hold onto autumn
Forever the initiator of change
Forever the instance of moving forward
Parking Passes: But At What Cost?
by Kathryn Libertini ’23
This week, when walking through the Fennel parking lot, I witnessed a black Jeep getting towed. Behind it, a student, presumably on the phone with a fellow student, exclaimed, “Bro they’re towing my car right now, my parents are gonna kill me. What? Yeah, I had tickets. No, I didn’t pay them. My boys told me you don’t actually have to pay them. This is going to drain my weekend funds.” As I continued walking, I noticed several orange boots and even more green tickets stuck to windshields.
Few people that have driven their cars on campus have been exempt from at least one ticket. A junior student explained that they lost “the lottery” and really needs their car to “go to Starbucks” and “do other stuff” too. Another student chimed in, raising the point that “all upperclassmen should be allowed to have their cars on campus. I get that it’s a small campus and there’s not, like, a ton of spots, but it’s not fair that I have to rely on my roommate’s boyfriend’s 2006 Subaru to get around.”
Upon further investigation, many students seem to hold qualms about parking on campus. I overheard a group of students talking at Ray during the lunch rush on Chicken Nugget Thursday, one saying, “I have to keep moving my car to avoid getting tickets. I set an alarm for 2:30 AM to go move it from behind Smith to the parking garage to avoid one. Sometimes I have to hike from behind Schneider back to Mal Brown.” To which a friend responded, “Yeah, it’s mad annoying. I went to use my roommate’s car to go a quarter-mile to grab laundry detergent at CVS, and it had a boot on it. I just ended up buying it on Amazon but, like, still lowkey annoying.” So it seems that despite the constant repercussions felt by students in the form of parking tickets, boots, and even towing, students remain steadfast in their commitment to convenience.
I decided to sit down with an official source to really get a grasp on the situation. I asked the source: “Is it possible to get more parking passes available to students?” The source replied, “No.” I followed up, persistent, “Perhaps upperclassmen students that don’t win the lottery could then pay for a parking pass? That way fewer students get ticketed and other students don’t sneak their cars on campus as often.”
“The lottery passes already cost $200 for the year.”
This marked the end of my investigation. For students with cars, the problem is large and the solutions are few, and frankly, I continue to see flashes of orange and green throughout campus parking lots and garages. Oh, and one last thing, I have never noticed a full parking lot. For real though, could they really not spare a few extra passes?