Tiff and Earl: Syllabus Week

by The Cowl Editor


Portfolio


 Dear Tiff & Earl,

Syllabus week is rough. How do I stop myself from going on a bender with my roommates?

Sincerely,

Brad’s #1 Fan 

Hey Brad’s #1 Fan!

My advice would be to stay in with your roommates and catch up after the break. Save the bender for when you have something to celebrate, like passing that test you barely studied for!

Yours,

Earl

Dear Would-Be-Bender,

Please. Syllabus week is the perfect time to rage. You have next to no assignments except getting to class, and professors know even less about you than you do after a long night… What a time!

Cheers!

Tiff

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Christmas


Dear Tiff and Earl,

I want to give Ed Cooley a holiday present. What should I give him?

Sincerely,

Ed Cooley’s #1 Fan


Hey Ed Superfan!

I heard that a coach’s favorite present is the win he gets off the court. Show coach Cooley some holiday spirit and consider showing your Friar giving spirit by donating to a local charity or toy drive this Christmas. Use the holidays to show coach Cooley why he picked the No. 1 school, Providence College!

Show That Spirit!

Earl 

image of earl


Dear Fan,

This will be cute: roll yourself up into a little Christmas basketball and roll down right into his little office and pop out and give him a merry little Christmas scare.

Christmas cheer,

Tiff

image of tiff

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Yo Tiff and Earl,

I forgot to shop on Black Friday and Cyber Monday for my family and friends. What should I do?

Sincerely, 

Last-Minute Shopper


Hey Last-Minute Shopper, 

If you walk down the street to the Dollar Tree, you can find some great last-minute gifts at a reasonable price! You can get as many gifts as possible without breaking your bank account in half, and make sure you also buy some cute wrapping paper, too!

Best, 

Tiff

image of tiff


Hey Last-Minute Shopper, 

Just write some apology letters and take the L. 

Sincerely, 

Earl

image of tiff

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


FriarTire


Hey Tiff and Earl!

As much as I love my family, I’m really nervous to go home for Thanksgiving. My family is going to ask me a ton of questions about everything, and I really don’t know what I want to do with my future/life. Any advice to help me feel a little better?

Sincerely, 

Quarter Life Crisis Victim


Hey QLCV, 

As cliché as this sounds, you still have plenty of time to think about what you want to do. People change their careers all the time, whether they’re 20 or 50! If you want to ease your family’s worries, you can always tell them you’re considering a few options like grad school or working after you finish your degree. Everyone’s path is different, and I’m sure you’ll find your niche eventually!

Best of Luck!

Earl

image of earl


Dear Victim,

My deepest sympathies, but it’s time to make up the lie of your life. Say you want to be a snake charmer in the CIA; say you’re the real Jerry Seinfield; say you want to donate all your organs and have porcine substitutes installed. Whatever it is, stick with it until everyone believes you. It’ll blow up in your face eventually, but that’s another Thanksgiving’s problem.

 

Sweet turkey dreams,

Tiff

image of tiff

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Hey Tiff and Earl,

My girlfriend sent me the song High Infidelity from Taylor Swift’s new album Midnights (3am edition)telling me to listen to the lyrics carefully. I have done as she said, and still cannot figure out what my girlfriend is trying to tell me. All advice would be appreciated!

Sincerely, 

Not A Swiftie


Hey Anti-Swiftie, 

I just listened to the song just for you, and I think your girlfriend might be cheating on you, bro. If I was you, I would cut her and her poor music taste out of your life and cheat right back on her with a hotter girl. Make your fellow city boys proud. 

Best of luck, 

Earl

image of earl


Dear NAS,

I won’t beat around the bush: sounds like your girlfriend had an affair with Taylor Swift. Tough cookies!

Sympathy, 

Tiff

image of tiff

Tiff And Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Hey Tiff and Earl, 

I think my roommate is attempting to sacrifice me so they can get all As on their midterms. They’ve been burning multiple candles in my room, claiming they suddenly want to become fluent in Latin, and told me they need to practice for some “ritual” that will happen in our room on October 31st. How do I ensure that I’ll make it through Halloween?

Thanks in advance,

Paranoid Roommate


Lucky for you, the friars aren’t just fun guys who wear white and drink beer and hold funerals for fish. They’ll get the devil out of your room faster than you can say BOO. 

Prayers ,

Tiff 

image of tiff


Yo Little Miss Paranoid, 

Honestly, this roommate situation sounds like something beyond Tiff and my expertise. If I were you, I’d hit up the Hocus Pocus witches to see if they can make your roommate disappear (and make sure you don’t get sacrificed). If that doesn’t work out, you can always email Kevin Hillery and ask if there’s any room in Fennell.

Best of luck!

Earl

image of earl

 

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl,

This past weekend, Khalid came to PC and put on a really good show! I want to get more into his music, as I had never really listened to his stuff before the concert. Any songs you’d recommend and why?

Thank you!

Newly Converted Khlowns (this is Khalid’s fandom btw)


Dear NCK, 

Khalid’s music is great! If you liked the music he played at the concert, I’d definitely recommend his album American Teen! There, you’ll get his classic hits like “8TEEN,” “Location,” and “Young, Dumb, and Broke!” For some slightly less mainstream music, you can check out his recently released song “Satellite,” or peep some of his unreleased music that was leaked on YouTube!

Keep Rocking!

Earl

image of earl


Dear Khlowns,

The only “pop” song I know is “Tequila.” You’ve come to the wrong place.

Cheers!

Tiff

image of tiff

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl, 

I’ve been training really hard, attempting to beat Dean Sears in the Friar 5K. Any advice to crush the best runner at PC in his own race?

Sincerely, 

Future Marathon Runner 


Yo Future Marathon Runner, 

If you want to beat Dean Sears in the Friar 5K, you have to start adding fingertip pushups to your workout routine (Dean Sears does them often). Since your race is in a few days, I would suggest tapering and loading up on tons of carbs, and you’ll be good to go! With this advice, you’re sure to crush Saturday’s 5K!

Break a Leg!

Earl 

image of earl


Dear FMR,

An astute observer of Dean Sears would know that he runs with a lollipop in his mouth. This trick, my friend, is your golden ticket; researchers say this improves concentration, keeps blood sugar constant, and intimidates opponents. The real challenge is not whether you can beat Dean Sears with this tactic, but whether you can do it without impaling yourself…

Cheers!

Tiff

image of tiff

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl, 

I just got my first Civ paper prompt, and to say I’m freaking out is an understatement. I haven’t done any of the readings for this class yet and I only have a couple of days until the paper is due. Any advice?

Sincerely, 

Major Procrastinator


Hey Major Procrastinator,

Like you, I myself have procrastinated writing this response until the very last minute with some help from my friends in the writing center! They are great at helping people come up with ideas for Civ papers! Just go into your appointment with some knowledge about the readings for your paper and you should be all set!

From a former writing center tutor, 

Earl

image of earl


Dear Major Procrastinator,

What I am about to suggest may seem counterintuitive, but as a procrastinator myself, it’s worked wonders for both my grades and my self-esteem: KEEP FREAKING OUT. DON’T DO ANYTHING UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTE. Then, when you sit down to do it, your adrenaline will be pumping like a train through your veins and inspiration will be pouring out of your ears. I can honestly guarantee you’ll produce your best work— and why wouldn’t you trust ME?

Cheers!

Tiff

image of tiff

 

Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor


Features


Dear Tiff and Earl, 

The first (official) darty of the semester is coming up, and my roommate and I still haven’t managed to find a solid friend group to accompany us. Any advice for quickly making friends so that we can live out our darty dreams?

Sincerely, 

Future Darty Crasher


Dear FDC,

If you really want to wow the crowds, don’t worry about making friends before the darty—make them AT the darty! Just blunder in, latch on to someone, and thank them and all their friends for coming to YOUR little soirée. Jay Gatsby would approve!

Cheers! 

Tiff

image of tiff


Dear Future Darty Crasher, 

Who says you need a big friend group to go to a darty? Have an intense pregame in your room, convince your roommate to explore Eaton Street with you, and rock the darty with confidence! As long as you follow the darty’s general theme, you’re sure to find a group of darty-loving people to adopt you and your roommate into their friend group!

Crush Your Darty Dreams!

Earl

image of earl