Tiff and Earl
Dear Tiff and Earl,
I do not want to go home for Thanksgiving because I know my pesky relatives will ask what I am doing with my post-grad life this spring. Truth is I have no idea and I will probably not make it to graduation because I failed so many exams in the past couple of days (SRW did me dirty). Please send me some help and Pedialyte.
-Soon to be
Unemployed & Unenrolled
Hi Unemployed and Unenrolled,
First of all, love your name, is it French?
Second of all, I for one love Thanksgiving because it allows me to pester my nieces and nephews about their future plans to make myself feel better about the place my own kids are in! So, I say suck it up and help your Aunt Karen feel better about her own daughter’s bull-ring nose piercing! But, if you really are worried about disappointing every single member of your immediate and extended family in one fell swoop, try and get the topic onto politics so you can slip away to your siblings and your fun cousin.
Just find that weird uncle at Thanksgiving who did the same thing when he was in college. He’ll help you understand how to use your white male privilege to succeed despite your lack of dedication! Then just conveniently take large bites of food anytime another relative asks you about post-grad life so you can just chew until they lose interest and move on.
Listomania: What Do Friar Dom and Huxley Do Over Thanksgiving Break
Reenact Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
Hunt squirrels on electric scooters
Go on a ghost hunting expedition in the tunnels under Howley
Jump in piles of leaves
Feast on Ray cold cuts
Listen to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” on repeat
Buy mace, in preparation for Black Friday
Ball out in Peterson
Play ding dong ditch at Father Shanley’s house
Sneak onto the roof of Harkins
Slide down the shiny railings in the new science complex
Grade DWC exams
Carve the turkey with Dot and Fran