Tangents & Tirades

by kwheele4 on March 25, 2021

The Scowl

Don’t Be a Fool. Choose Unlimited.

One of the smartest decisions Providence College makes annually is requiring freshman students to buy into the unlimited meal plan at Ray Dining Hall. While this predetermination makes an otherwise difficult decision rather simple and thoughtless for freshmen by not forcing them to blindly choose between the 75-block, seven per week, 11 per week, 15 per week, or unlimited meal plans, it also generously provides students with limitless five-star Michelin cuisine.

Ray’s cafeteria is known worldwide for Thursday afternoon’s lightly breaded and battered chicken wedges—often referred to as “chicken nuggets” by less cultured PC students—but the dining hall also offers a number of lesser known mouth-watering delicacies.

Your local pharmacy’s top of the line laxative cannot work magic like Ray’s chorizo white bean soup, and no Italian spot on Federal Hill could ever match the authenticity of Ray’s pasta al formaggio, carefully drowned in a steaming orange nacho cheese gravy. During Lent, Ray Dining Hall makes the wise Catholic decision not to serve meat on specific holy days of fasting as well as Fridays.

Now, if you are lucky, you may come across a seafood option on these days instead. Serving hot and cold options like salmon, cod, and shrimp, this dining hall truthfully provides students with the full-on New England eating experience.

Sorry moms and dads, but this Easter’s home cooking won’t be able to cater the same delicious comfort it once could, before Ray. Sophomores, juniors, and seniors, make the decision as easy as it was freshman year. Choose unlimited.

—Miss Limitless ’22

The Brads and Chads of Providence College

It is during the warmer spring days here at Providence College that one gets a better idea of who actually goes to this school. Nearly every student is coerced out of their musty dorms by the sunlight and 60-degree temperatures.

It is also on these days that one realizes that an odd but strikingly true comparison can be made between observing the student body and watching a nature documentary. After all, there are distinct types of student groups that we inevitably find ourselves a part of.

Look over to the sidewalks leading to Concannon Fitness Center, and one can see a couple of lone gym rats with protein shakes going to lift weights. Over on the other side of Slavin, a pack of athletes in their varsity jackets walk by. And on the lawn in front of Aquinas Hall, there is a dominant species known to many as Brads and Chads; a species quickly recognized by their white vans, backwards hats, and herd mentality.

This species of students constitutes a fairly significant portion of the student body here at Providence College and can be found anywhere there is Spikeball, White Claws, or “darties.” Similar to our primate ancestors, there is a complex dominant hierarchy within this group, which is established by all but not limited to: a number of women’s phone numbers, popularity, and the reliability of their fake ID.

When walking the PC campus on these spring days, it is easy to feel intimidated by these groups, but rest assured, like in every ecosystem, there is a niche for every student here at PC.

—Steve Irwin II ’22