April 3, 2020

Posts from "Features"

  • Features | Oct.18, 2018

    Tiffany & Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, I always feel like I never know what’s happening on campus, and I refuse to read the Morning Mail. How do I find out what the word is? Sincerely, Lonely Larry   Dearest Larry, Obviously, you…

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  • Features | Oct.04, 2018

    Listomania*: Ways to Celebrate Columbus Day

    Update your Waze app so you don’t get lost on the way to China Hang out with some girls names Nina, Pinta, and Maria Dress like it’s 1492 Update Columbus’ Wikipedia page Pay reparations to the Native American people Petition…

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  • Features | Oct.04, 2018

    Tiff & Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, I’m turning 21 over Columbus Day weekend, but all my friends are going home. I’m going to be all alone in my apartment. What should I do? Sadly, Feeling Twenty-Blue   Hey Loser, Let’s face it,…

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  • Features | Sep.27, 2018

    Listomania: Better Transportation for PC Security

    Golf Carts Horse & Buggy Bumper Cars Amusement Park Choo-Choo Train Segways Ziplines Tandem Bikes Heelys BatmobileTM Hoverboards Food Trucks (For Undercover Jobs) Cable Cars Budweiser Clydesdales Exercise Balls Pogo Sticks A Subway Through Lower Campus Tunnels Magic Carpet from…

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  • Features | Sep.27, 2018

    Tiff & Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, Okay, I’m in the shower, and the fire alarm goes off. What are my options? Sincerely, Slipping in Suds   Dear Slippery on Life, Stay in the shower. The water should protect you…right? Unless you feel like…

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  • Features | Sep.20, 2018

    Tiff & Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, What’s your ideal fall date? -Hungry for love not pumpkins   Dear Forever Starving for Love, My ideal fall date would be jumping in bug-infested piles of leaves and getting pumpkin guts all over me while…

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  • Features | Sep.20, 2018

    Listomania: Things to “Snap” Sodexo*

    A picture of my undercooked chicken “Cheating on Ray with Take3” A picture of my own cooking “Where’s the hot chocolate?” A picture of Dot looking sad at the changes in Ray A face-swapped picture with the cockroach sitting next…

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  • Features | Sep.13, 2018

    Tiff & Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, My friends convinced me to download Tinder. How do I make sure people swipe right? -Hopefully Funny, but Also Kinda Ugly   Dear Ugly and Kinda Funny, Isn’t it obvious? Get a pic of…

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  • Features | Sep.13, 2018

    Listomania: Bad Reasons to Call PC Security

    My mozz sticks got cold. Um, I’m kind of…stuck. In the flame. My syllabus says that Tuesday is a Monday schedule. I called Fix-It two months ago and they still haven’t come. A squirrel jumped out of a trash can…

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  • Features | Aug.30, 2018

    Tiff & Earl

    Dear Tiff and Earl, What should I do to make this semester my best one yet? Sincerely, Thirsty for Knowledge   Dear Thirsty for Knowledge, Buy all your textbooks, binders, and Five Star notebooks from the bookstore for…

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