April 25, 2024

Providence College's Student-Run Newspaper Since 1935

Category: Satire

Oct202022Tiff And Earl

Hey Tiff and Earl,  I think my roommate is attempting to sacrifice me so they can get all As on...

The Cowl Editor

Oct62022Listomania

Things to hide from my parents before they visit My extensive stash of alcohol  My Urban Outfitters corset  My credit...

The Cowl Editor

Nov32022Tiff and Earl

by The Cowl Editor on November 3, 2022

Hey Tiff and Earl,

My girlfriend sent me the song High Infidelity from Taylor Swift’s new album Midnights (3am edition)telling me to listen to the lyrics carefully. I have done as she said, and still cannot figure out what my girlfriend is trying to tell me. All advice would be appreciated!

Sincerely, 

Not A Swiftie

Hey Anti-Swiftie, 

I just listened to the song just for you, and I think your girlfriend might be cheating on you, bro. If I was you, I would cut her and her poor music taste out of your life and cheat right back on her with a hotter girl. Make your fellow city boys proud. 

Best of luck, 

Earl

image of earl

Dear NAS,

I won’t beat around the bush: sounds like your girlfriend had an affair with Taylor Swift. Tough cookies!

Sympathy, 

Tiff

image of tiff

Sep292022“Spooky Season Inbound”

To ghost or be ghosted? Perhaps we have all been in this situation. Regardless, the temperatures are beginning to drop, so read to find out easy ways to avoid the awkward moments of this upcoming cuffing season. Don’t text him. Like actually, don’t. Schedule a girls’ night with your roommates! Treat yourself to getting coffee […]
Kathryn Libertini '23

Apr212022Parties in the Age of Crypto (Screenplay)

by Kathryn Libertini ’23   INT. AT A PARTY ME Hey what’s up! You okay? FINANCE MAJOR Yeah kinda. Ever since the market closed on Friday and Dogecoin went down I’ve just felt awful about myself. ME It’s just a stock, I’m sure it will go back up! FINANCE MAJOR Do you even know what […]
The Cowl Editor

Apr82022Statements of Fact and Trying Not to Look Stupid

Fiona Clarke ’23   Welcome back to “Stupid Things People Say.” This week, our topic is “Living in the State of the Obvious (And Why You Should Immigrate).”  A few years ago, I was minding my own business at soccer practice, surrounded by a gaggle of chirping teenage girls, waiting in line for my turn […]
trogers5

Apr82022Listomania: Artists We Should’ve Had For Spring Concert

Artists We Should’ve Had For Spring Concert Pitbull  The Rock  Will Smith (ft. Chris Rock)  Machine Gun Kelly  Frank Sinatra (hologram version) Macklemore  Doja Cat  Kanye West (featuring Skeet) Travis Scott  Dr. Taylor Swift  Shawn Mendes (post breakup tour?) Rihanna (post hiatus tour?)  Ed Sheeran  My Chemical Romance  Big Time Rush (without Dixie D’Amelio) (sans […]
The Cowl Editor

Mar272022I Forgot to Write my Cowl Article for this Week

Aidan Lerner ’22   I forgot to write my Cowl article for this week. Today is Sunday, and I am a little panicked. I pride myself on my ability to be responsible and to come through for the people who rely on me, whether it be in work or school. That is why I am […]
trogers5

Mar32022MVP

Kathryn Libertini ’23 I hear “So let me tell you guys why I chose Providence College” as I turn the corner in Slavin. My heart is pounding, not from the stairs, no, but from the pressure. Tonight’s game against Creighton decides if we win the Big East Championship. Coach Cooley met with me to discuss […]
trogers5

Feb172022Tiff and Earl

Dear Tiff and Earl,  I slipped and fell on the ice in front of an entire civ class coming out of Ruane this morning. No one even helped me up (what happened to “Friars Hold Doors”?). How do I recover from this embarrassment? Sincerely, Professional Ice Skater Dear Professional Ice Skater, The best way out […]
trogers5