Tiff and Earl
Dear Tiff and Earl,
I am alone on Valentine’s Day as per usual. What should I do to treat myself on this very special holiday?
Dearest Lonely Luke,
I remember my first lonely Valentine’s Day like it was yesterday. I was 15 years old and my boyfriend of 12 years had just broken up with me. Angered by all of the happy couples around me on Feb. 14, I watched rom-coms in my room alone and ate buckets of ice cream. It was delightful! I found that I am happier when I’m by myself. Who needs human contact anyways? It’s so overrated! Cats and dogs and parrots are much better company anyways.
Hope this helps!
Dear Loose Lucas,
To start things off, your standards are probably too high. Needy PC gals have been on the hunt for mates since they ate nothing but kale chips over Christmas break. Get over yourself, not every relationship is going to be with a Brownie who keeps you up at night with her mysterious texts. Just set the bar lower, and you’ll have a date. If not, there’s always Yuck Truck to fill the void either alcohol or Single’s Awareness Day has left in your stomach.
Best of luck,