by trogers5 on February 10, 2022

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Dear Tiff and Earl,

My boyfriend won’t take me on a Valentine’s Day date because it’s too close to Super Bowl Sunday. Should I ditch him for Joe Burrow?

Sincerely,

Big Bengals Fan

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Dear Big Bengals Fan,

Don’t give up on your man just yet! With a little creativity, you can have your cake and eat it, too. Combine your Valentine’s Day with his Super Bowl by serving classic game day snacks with a romantic twist—for instance, a seven-layer dip not of beans and cream cheese but of all sorts of aphrodisiacs—and by programming your TV to play slideshows of the two of you as a couple instead of commercials. No doubt you can come up with plenty of other little ways to remind him that he’s your special quarterback. Be ingenious! He sounds like he’s worth it. 

Cheers!

Tiff

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Dear Big Bengals Fan,

While I am completely in favor of you getting revenge on your football-fanatic boyfriend by ditching him for a man who can actually play the sport, why go for a Bengal when you could have the GOAT? Now that Tom Brady has officially retired, the man is going to have plenty of time on his hands. What better way for him to spend it than a romantic Valentine’s Day date with a college student? Maybe you could even bring a friend for a double date with Gronk.

Your even bigger Pats fan,

Earl

 

by The Cowl Editor on February 1, 2019

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An extra TV if you smash yours

First aid kit

Lucky underwear

A pound of buffalo wings to stress eat

Extra pants in case of an emergency

Liquids to hydrate

Water bottles to pee in during overtime

My autograph from Tom Brady (#humblebrag)

Fire extinguisher

Face paint

Extra couches

A shoulder to cry on if your team loses *cough LA fans*

Best of Maroon 5 playlist

Ice for drinks and injuries