PC has invited students to participate in the first annual Women’s “From Hell to Well” Retreat, scheduled for April 20. On this retreat, female friars will spend time participating in classes, meditation, and group bonding activities. The goal of the retreat is to foster women’s health, wellness, friendships, and (re)education.
Among other instructional activities, women will take one-hour courses in subjects such as cooking, dishwashing, laundry-folding, and dressing modestly (and also scantily, but only for the male gaze). Following these classes is a Friday-night book-burning session, in which all participants will gather around a bonfire and toss in some of the classics they studied in Civ, including Mrs. Dalloway, The Bell Jar, and The Second Sex.
On Saturday morning, women will have the opportunity (don’t get used to them) to take a sunrise yoga class. The focus of this yoga will be strengthening the childbearing muscles. Women will be instructed to avoid developing muscle elsewhere, of course, because they must remain fragile and dainty. Good luck to them when they’ll have to carry those forty-pound kids on one hip and a laundry basket on the other.
The retreat will take place at an undisclosed house on Eaton Street. Women will sleep two to a bed in order to learn how to share a space with their future husbands. This will also provide the opportunity for women to learn and practice other important marital duties. In addition, participants will learn how to analyze each other’s bodies for signs of fertility and how to pay attention to each other’s cycles. One cute goal of the retreat is for pairs to end up in sync—we want all participants to find their new best gal pal.
If you’re a woman interested in attending the retreat, please contact the organizer at firstname.lastname@example.org.