Jump in the koi pond Go streaking in the tunnels Give a big smooch to Friar Dom Dress up as Friar Dom Grab a beer at McPhail’s Watch Mondoz get rebuilt Break into Fr. Sicard’s house Fail a theology class Participate in Civ Scream Set a couch on fire Sacrifice a virgin Climb the stairs […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, What is this “darty” everyone keeps talking about? I can’t find it on Urban Dictionary. Is it some obscure class? A fun hat? A spelling mistake? A party where darts are thrown? Sincerely, I Was Homeschooled Dear Homie, Your innocence is refreshing during these beer-saturated times. I’m not sure whether […]
The koi fish The Flame Paul Rudd Dean Sears A White Claw A pong ball A positive COVID-19 test An image of Dean Sears’s email The green check mark A white square Jesus Adidas slides Lululemon leggings A missing AirPods case A singular AirPod A missing PC ID Dot and Fran, but as one person
Dear Tiff and Earl, The squirrels are back, and they’re making it known. Despite being vaccinated, I’m still fearful. How do we defend ourselves against their attack? Sincerely, I Draw the Line at Chipmunks Dear Squirrel-aphobe, I hate to break it to you, but I think the vaccine only protects you from COVID-19, not […]
By the trash behind Ray In the koi pond Lane 4 on the track The Friar Development Center (until you get caught) In Ed Cooley’s office In line for Dunkin’ Deep in your closet On the roof of Ray In Father Sicard’s backyard Sunbathing outside the Marriott In the flame In the Suites’ elevator In […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, We know no one reads this section. What is the craziest advice you can give without getting caught? Sincerely, Your Only Fan Earl, are we going to stand for this insult? -Tiff Absolutely not. We’re boycotting. -Earl
Turn your grade upside down Convert it to the metric system Give your professor a little gift *wink wink* Cram on your Wellness Wednesday Give an expository interview to Oprah about your teacher Round it up to an A Send your professor a death threat Have Daddy pay your professor off Perform a ritual to […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I’m trying to get a leprechaun to join my pod. How should I entice them? Do I sprinkle Lucky Charms for them to follow? Sincerely, In Need of a Little Luck Dear In Need, Although Lucky Charms are magically delicious, actual leprechauns have higher standards (don’t ask how I know—I just […]
The return of the wannabe lax bros Playing spike ball on the quad (or any lawn game of your choice) The friars are showing their ankles Soccer and lax games every weekend Everybody bringing back the folding chairs from September Country music on the AQ lawn Darties The smell of trees and grass combatting the […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, Meatless Fridays have begun. Any suggestions on how I can smuggle in and/or find some meat on campus? Sincerely, Carnivore Dear Carnivore, I believe I have to defer your question to Arby’s, because they are quite confident that they have the meats. Juicily, Tiff Dear Carnivore, Smuggling is the […]