By the trash behind Ray In the koi pond Lane 4 on the track The Friar Development Center (until you get caught) In Ed Cooley’s office In line for Dunkin’ Deep in your closet On the roof of Ray In Father Sicard’s backyard Sunbathing outside the Marriott In the flame In the Suites’ elevator In […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, We know no one reads this section. What is the craziest advice you can give without getting caught? Sincerely, Your Only Fan Earl, are we going to stand for this insult? -Tiff Absolutely not. We’re boycotting. -Earl
Turn your grade upside down Convert it to the metric system Give your professor a little gift *wink wink* Cram on your Wellness Wednesday Give an expository interview to Oprah about your teacher Round it up to an A Send your professor a death threat Have Daddy pay your professor off Perform a ritual to […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I’m trying to get a leprechaun to join my pod. How should I entice them? Do I sprinkle Lucky Charms for them to follow? Sincerely, In Need of a Little Luck Dear In Need, Although Lucky Charms are magically delicious, actual leprechauns have higher standards (don’t ask how I know—I just […]
The return of the wannabe lax bros Playing spike ball on the quad (or any lawn game of your choice) The friars are showing their ankles Soccer and lax games every weekend Everybody bringing back the folding chairs from September Country music on the AQ lawn Darties The smell of trees and grass combatting the […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, Meatless Fridays have begun. Any suggestions on how I can smuggle in and/or find some meat on campus? Sincerely, Carnivore Dear Carnivore, I believe I have to defer your question to Arby’s, because they are quite confident that they have the meats. Juicily, Tiff Dear Carnivore, Smuggling is the […]
Koi pond (with some sushi) The one chair outside of your professor’s office Your car Outside of Ray with the sweet aroma of garbage Cowl office (if you’re lucky) Friar Development Center Testing center (before taking a swab) The tunnels The priory The center of the torch Around the fire pits (during snowfall) Coach Cooley’s […]
Get a lobotomy Watch iCarly Get back to my knitting Start crocheting (knitting’s too advanced) Catch up on the sleep I haven’t been getting Have an existential crisis Yell at the sky Not leave my room…oh, wait. I do that every day Take a shower Catch up on crying (and then my work) Play on […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I can’t handle The Cowl not publishing a new issue every week anymore. What do I do with my newfound free time in the off weeks? Sincerely, Cuckoo for Cowl Puffs Dear C4CP, We at The Cowl are deeply flattered by your dependence on our weekly issues. Because you love […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, It’s me again. Turns out we’re both positive—positively lovesick. We’re quarantined in the Marriott together, and his room is right beside mine. The walls are paper-thin. Tensions are growing—and so is my COVID viral load. Should I learn Morse code to communicate my desires? Sincerely, Caught Feelings (and COVID) Dear Catchy […]