Koi pond (with some sushi) The one chair outside of your professor’s office Your car Outside of Ray with the sweet aroma of garbage Cowl office (if you’re lucky) Friar Development Center Testing center (before taking a swab) The tunnels The priory The center of the torch Around the fire pits (during snowfall) Coach Cooley’s […]
Get a lobotomy Watch iCarly Get back to my knitting Start crocheting (knitting’s too advanced) Catch up on the sleep I haven’t been getting Have an existential crisis Yell at the sky Not leave my room…oh, wait. I do that every day Take a shower Catch up on crying (and then my work) Play on […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I can’t handle The Cowl not publishing a new issue every week anymore. What do I do with my newfound free time in the off weeks? Sincerely, Cuckoo for Cowl Puffs Dear C4CP, We at The Cowl are deeply flattered by your dependence on our weekly issues. Because you love […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, It’s me again. Turns out we’re both positive—positively lovesick. We’re quarantined in the Marriott together, and his room is right beside mine. The walls are paper-thin. Tensions are growing—and so is my COVID viral load. Should I learn Morse code to communicate my desires? Sincerely, Caught Feelings (and COVID) Dear Catchy […]
Forgot to wipe Didn’t show up Brought your mom as a chaperone Talked about your 12 cats Mentioned the spider that whispers sweet nothings into your ear Confessed your love for Father Shanley Knew too much personal information Asked for their banner ID instead of their phone number Communicated solely via PC Mobile Thought they […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, I made eye contact with someone across the testing center, and I think I met my soulmate. His cerulean orbs locked with mine behind the plexiglass. From the moment he exposed his nose, I knew he was really the one. How do I profess my swab-induced love? Sincerely, Catching Feelings, Not […]
My ex is in it It’s hard My professor gives A’s starting at 94 instead of 93 It has pop quizzes The textbook is too heavy for me to carry It’s a non lab-based class with a lab Someone has already tried to ask me out It meets in-person My professor is too hot to […]
Dear Tiff and Earl, My family wants to play socially-distanced football at Thanksgiving. How do I learn it in ten minutes? Sincerely, I Was a Theatre Kid Dear Theatre Kid, Sports can be hard. Luckily, it seems like these socially distant modifications can play to your advantage. My advice: once the whistle blows simply […]
Die Start a COVID-19 outbreak Go to an Eaton Street party Sleepover at Guz Dress up as Friar Dom instead of Huxley Overdose on candy corn Hookup with my ex twice (they were in different costumes) The Monster Mash Dress up like a doctor Get a pumpkin stuck on my head Go to a school-hosted […]
Dear Tiff & Earl, My neighbors across the hall are violating their pod by summoning spirits. The demons aren’t social distancing or wearing masks. How do I report them? Sincerely, In Need of an Exorcist and a Vaccine Dear Vac-orcist, While interacting with people outside of your pod is not the best idea and […]