Paradise on Earth

by jmccoy3 on March 31, 2022

The Scowl

Paradise on Earth

Why Breezes in the Bahamas is the Best Place on Earth

By DJ Mikey Invalid

Spring break is meant to be a relaxing, fun, and refreshing break from the school semester. There could be no better way to spend this break from school than with every single one of your peers. At Breezes Resort (and Spa, apparently) in the Bahamas, Providence College students soaked up the sun and rum in five perfect days. 

PC should implement a school-wide spring break trip to Breezes in the Bahamas. A luxury resort location, the College would benefit from the easily accessible beaches, live entertainment, and state-of-the-art beverages. Members of the senior class this year (and some sneaky sophomores) were lucky enough to have experienced the resort firsthand, but the general consensus is that the school should continue this beloved tradition for years to come. 

Breezes. What can be said about this place? Powered by Student Travel Services Travel (yes, I said that right, their name is STS Travel), students are lucky enough to have the opportunity to leave the packed lines of Bradley Cafe and the Dunkin’ Donuts Center to pack into similar lines in slightly warmer weather. What’s wrong with that?! Sure, you’re sweating in line for the Dunk in mid-February temperatures, but imagine what it’s like in 80 degree weather—that’s right, paradise! 

Surely if you didn’t experience Breezes on your own, you must’ve seen the photos and videos on your classmates’ social media. And, sure, those pictures might not have technically been taken at the gorgeous Breezes Resort, but it was just next door! That’s right, folks who spend $800 a night to stay at Baha Mar were so excited to welcome college students into their luxury resort whenever said students got bored of red drink and blue drink! So, you can pay less, deal with an incompetent travel agency, and then ditch all of that and spend $20 on a drink at a fancy hotel nearby! Paradise!

As a college student, there is nothing more exciting than the promise of an all-inclusive resort. And Breezes offers just that. You can get tiny plastic cups of alcohol all day long with sugary mixers and, when you’re lucky and hit the bar right before it closes, you will get to try new creations based on whatever is leftover. Ever have a rum and sprite? You will at Breezes! It may not be good, but at least it’s free! How about food? A dining hall that in all honesty is just the Ray of the south, and a snack shack is a dream for a partier who has, perhaps, overindulged. And, in their own late night version of Yuck Truck, the resort offers messy nachos, hot dogs, and mini meatballs. A tropical dream! 

All in all, the Breezes resort is nothing short of a bonding experience. Is it trauma bonding from drinking red and blue drink out of a whole milk container? Is it seeing those supersized emoji cups and getting flashbacks to when lovely Bahamian bartenders would fill them to the brim with basement shelf liquor? Is it hearing “Pepas” and immediately thinking of our beloved DJ Mikey Valid, who played the same music every day and invited girls to his hotel room (502, if you’re curious)? Whatever it is that brings us together, the class of 2022 (and again, those leeches from the class of 2024) fully endorses a school-sponsored trip to this incredible destination. Nothing screams Fríar Family like going on family vacation! And when has family vacation ever gone wrong?

Consider this your sign, class of 2023. Breezes. March 2023.